Lost in translation

I’ve written a couple of texts here, just randomly, it would seem. The only Swedish text so far is a school assignment that actually turned out quite well. The assignment was to write a short essay describing the development of the school subject Swedish starting in the 1800s until this day. I named this essay The Odyssey of Swedish as a school subject and wrote it all in dactylic hexameter. I am such a nerd when it comes to these things. A translation into English, however, was out of the question… Even I have limits, it seems.

So why am I writing this blog… Let me explain. I had planned to start writing a blog for quite some time. Inspired by a dear friend of mine, I decided it was time. I started this blog not with an intention of having 500 followers, but more as some kind of self-therapy. The reason I decided to make this a Swenglish blog is that I am Swedish, but English is a language I used to know. I plan to get to know English again. Sometimes, expressing myself, I find better and more suiting expressions in English. Other times the things I want to say end up getting lost in translation. It is so very difficult not being a native speaker. The irony of this is that at times expressing yourself in Swedish, especially if you’re writing poetry or song lyrics, is difficult too – because it suddenly gets so personal. So it seems, whatever I do, I get lost in translation...

Maybe I should introduce myself. Where do I start, though? Who am I? What the hell am I doing here? Where am I going? I am a lot of people, animals and creatures. There are many roles I have to play and many faces I have to wear. But who is that girl deep inside? Who do I see when I look in a mirror? Who do you see when you look at me?

I am a daughter. A mother. A lover. I am a student. A teacher. A student teacher. A teacher student. I am a daughter in law. I am a sister in law. I am a granddaughter. I am a friend. I am a little kid with pony tails. I am old. I am the girl next to you on the bus that you don’t even notice. I am a neighbor. I am a psycho. I’m totally self-centered. I am a stranger. I am no one. I am everyone. I am anyone.

I am a fish. I love swimming in the ocean. I am a vampire. I lust for your blood. I am a Metallica song. Play me. Play me loud. I am a hippie with flowers in my hair. I am a pacifist with my pencil and my brain as my only weapon. I am a flower. Leave me alone. I am a bitch. I have opinions. I am an onion. Peel me and you’ll see. I am an old oak tree. Sit under my shade with a lemonade. I am a hug. Let me embrace you. I am a walk in the rain. Breathe, and you’ll feel it. I am so very sure of myself. And at the same time, I am so totally lost.

So, I have decided I may need therapy. Blog therapy. Writing it all off will hopefully help me put things into perspective. Hopefully this will make me see things more clearly. With your head full of butterflies and wild ideas sometimes you need to take a step back. Breathe. Not take yourself too seriously. My goal is to figure out what all the people, creatures and animals inside my head want me to think and feel, and to write some of it down here. Some of it will be in Swedish. Some of it will be in English. Some of it will be in Swenglish. Some of it will inevitably get lost in translation.