Impossible dream

I have no right to feel this,
I know I should try to hide it.
Play along, act normal
like everything's ok,
nothing has changed.

Each time it happens
I get weaker though,
I try to look the other way.
Pretend I don't see,
fake stupidity,
acting normally.

Why must I be weak?
I'm just so extremely human.
The things I crave,
the needs I have -
my soul is in denial
my body nailed down
my mind fixed on a lie

I need your help to grow stronger
I have to fight off these demons
before they drag me down
I need to face the unevitable
and just let go
of this impossible,
unthinkable
dream

Even though I know
it will hunt me yet
at least for a while

Another song. This one was even recorded once. My very talented friend Per created a wonderful melody. Too bad I've misplaced my copy. This song is in my head now instead.

Music is a funny thing. A strong power. And a healing power too. I just listened to three really weird and crazy songs written by a very talented man I admire a lot. The songs made me smile. And I really needed that. I'm under a lot of stress right now, I guess you could say. I'm under pressure. There are a lot of things on my agenda today, things I really really have to do, important things, essays to write, exams to prepare for, assignments for school to hand in. I'm also supposed to prepare food for a family who probably won't even say thank you. Our home is a mess and will remain so until I decide to do something about it. Places to go, bills to pay, people to see, laundry to clean... None of it seems even a bit tempting though. Maybe I should emigrate? Or maybe I should just listen to some more music and sip on my coffee until I find the strength to move on. Maybe focus on my breathing. Or something like that.

I'm feeling a bit lost. I'm not really sure I am where I'm really supposed to be, or doing what I'm really supposed to be doing. I miss someone, and I think that someone is the person I used to be. I'm not really sure how to reconnect with her. Maybe music is the way.

For all my followers out there, this one's for you:

En gång kysste jag en ängel.